BREAKING NEWS: Florida Man Attempts to Train Alligator to Do Household Chores
In a bizarre turn of events, a Florida man has been arrested after attempting to train an alligator to do his household chores. The man, identified as 42-year-old Joe Schmo, reportedly spent several weeks trying to teach the alligator to vacuum his living room, do his laundry, and even cook his meals.
According to witnesses, Schmo was often seen feeding the alligator treats and giving it commands like “clean the bathroom” and “mow the lawn.” However, the alligator seemed more interested in lounging on the couch and watching TV than actually doing any chores.
Neighbors reported hearing strange noises coming from Schmo’s house, including the sound of a vacuum cleaner being dragged across the floor and the clanging of pots and pans. When police arrived at the scene, they found Schmo passed out on the couch with the alligator sleeping next to him.
When questioned by authorities, Schmo claimed that he had been inspired by a YouTube video of a man who had trained his pet monkey to do household chores. However, he admitted that he may have underestimated the difficulty of training an alligator.
“I thought it would be easy,” Schmo said. “But it turns out alligators are pretty lazy. And they don’t have opposable thumbs, so that makes it tough.”
Schmo has been charged with animal cruelty and may face additional charges for endangering his neighbors. The alligator has been taken into custody by animal control and will be evaluated for its ability to be released back into the wild.
In the meantime, Schmo is reportedly looking for a new pet to help with his household chores, but this time he’s considering something a little more domesticated, like a cat or a goldfish.
This article is complete malarky and no animals in Florida have been harmed in it’s production. Happy April Fools, Frenemies!